my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
