i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
