there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
