Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
