Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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