Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
