Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
