Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
