I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
