I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
