I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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