if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
