Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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