you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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