Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
