my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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