It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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