Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
