yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
