Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
