Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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