i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
