I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
