I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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