I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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