He felt like a one man threesome
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The air was thick with penises
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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