When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
how drunk are you?
Several
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
