But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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