You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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