don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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