I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I looked at my own cervix.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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