I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
