My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
