he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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