margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
