Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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