plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
