I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
