Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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