yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
