i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
