the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
