Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
