They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
