The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
