You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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