Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
