Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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