It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
