i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
